Well, I never!

From The Poor Man Institute (via Firedog Lake), here is a handy guide to cleaning up your language.

You filthy, filthy liberals! Don't you know that every time you say the fuck word, an angel gets electrocuted? Spare me your talk of the "real" obscenities of war and spying and tax cuts for the wealthy and clean up your act.

Oh dear!” you exclaim in alarm, bringing your lacey hankie to your dainty, newly-innocent lips. “Now that all my naughty words are gone, whatever shall I say?” There, there, my flower. There is nothing to fear! Your Editors have taken the time to carefully analyze very civil and respectable bloggers and pundits, and have put together a list of what you should say in place of those horrible, swear-cootie infested things we erased. Exactly what you should say depends on the exact nature of your previous incivility, as illustrated in this handy-dandy chart.

Incivil/Unserious	Civil/Serious
“f*ck”	Suggest that Arab countries, being too primative for democracy, should be reduced to rubble.
“sh*t”	Imply that the media is working with al Qaeda.
“w*nk*r”	Wonder if the Clintons were involved in the murder of Princess Diana.