Top 5 music meme

ae of arse poetica tagged me with the music meme, like ages ago, so first off, sorry for my tardiness. Things are a little crazy at work and with life in general, and that's cutting into my blogtime.

A. Top Five Lyrics that Move Your Heart

Kirsty MacColl, "Bad": I want to taste excitement/Smell the danger/Get swept off my feet by the perfect stranger/I want to try something that I’ve never had/Oh look out world I’m about to be bad. This wonderfully catchy tune may just ignite the mid-life crisis I keep threatening to have. Or not.

Elvis Costello, "What's So Funny About Peace, Love and Understanding": So where are the strong/And who are the trusted?/And where is the harmony?/Sweet harmony. I've loved him since I was a kid, and this is one reason. People saw an angry young man, but I knew that he was more disappointed than cynical. Cynical people don't sing of a wicked world; they help make it so, smiling all the while. I'm talking to you, W.

The Ramones, "I Wanna Be Sedated": Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show/Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco/I can't control my fingers/I can't control my toes/Oh no no no no no. I sang this nonstop for much of my seventeenth year, which was both strangely soothing (to me) and profoundly annoying (to everyone else).

TMBG, "Birdhouse in your Soul": Not to put too fine a point on it/Say I’m the only bee in your bonnet/Make a little birdhouse in your soul. Another song that I can sing over and over. And over. Again and again.

Dan Hill, "Sometimes When We Touch": You ask me if I love you/And I choke on my reply/I'd rather hurt you honestly/Than mislead you with a lie. This is the best worst song in the world. It's a vomitous, mind-staggeringly bad and irresistible specimen of schlock culture, andI defy anyone not to sing along.

B. Top 5 Instrumentals

Europa, Carlos Santana

Dance Class, Dave Samuels

Lara's Theme, Roger Williams

Impressions, John Coltrane

State Trooper (Part 1), Cornershop

C. Top 5 Live Musical Experiences

Assorted Days on the Green, Oakland, CA 1977-1979. Long lines, monster rock, evil ball-of-hellfire sun, skanky porta-potties and too much pot. Plenty of fun then, but my idea of a living hell now.

Rolling Stones, Oakland, CA, 1978. I went with my best friend Shana and her older brother Brian, who would later be my boyfriend. I was sixteen, and they opened (as I recall) with Sweet Little Sixteen, which was perfect.

Patti Smith, San Francisco, CA, 1996. She took off her shoes and socks as she sang "Dancing Barefoot." The Warfield is a small theater, and people were talking to her between songs and poems. One guy yelled, "You're a goddess!" and she said. "Yeah? Well, you should see some of the toilets I've scrubbed lately." If I were a goddess, I'd want to be just like her.

They Might Be Giants, San Francisco, CA, 1998. We came, we saw, we conga'd.

Assorted BFDs, late 90s. I usually went to these with my friend Melissa and sometimes my daughter J. Like Days on the Green, these were all-day, all-star shows, but twenty years made a huge diiference. The venue was plusher, if a tad Disneyesque, and M and I could drink legally. The music was definitely better: James, The Cure, Lush, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Space. Two middle-aged moms, one teenager (sometimes), reserved seating for our middle-aged butts, icy maragaritas, cool summer breezes and Robert Smith. Heaven.

D. Top Five Artists You Think More People Should Listen To

Kirsty MacColl

Graham Parker

Os Mutantes

They Might Be Giants. I know they're popular, but I wonder if many children are hip to them. TMBG should be part of every science class curriculum.

Elvis Costello. Totally obvious choice, but I love him, damn it.

E. Top Five Albums You Must Hear From Start to Finish

Painted from Memory: Elvis Costello and Burt Bacharach.

If I Were a Carpenter: Various Artists (If you read these reviews, you'll learn that I have bad taste. Who knew?)

Different Class: Pulp

The Best of Dusty Springfield

Pop!: Erasure
 
F. Top Five Musical s/Heroes:

Bono

Bob Geldof

Edith Piaf

Debbie Harry

Patti Smith

More >>

It's the hypocrisy, stupid

Goodness, Alicia at Last Left Turn Before Hooterville has made a great discovery. Vist RedMorals, a catalog of right-wing disingenuousness. All the best people are there: little Freddie Phelps, Gamblin' Bill Bennett, and America's sweetheart, Ann Coulter. Go, go!

More >>

WTF now

Jesus freaking Christ. I'm watching Jan LaRue, a tight-lipped and very Concerned Woman for America on Now. David Brancaccio just pointed out that he googled the Constitution today and found not one mention of God. I'm sure he already knew that, but even a seething CWA can't argue with Google. You'd think. But as Jan informs us, at end of the document are the words "In the year of our lord." Oh. Well, that settles it.

Here is more of Jan's wisdom, from the CWA website.

TALKING POINTS: Why Homosexual "Marriage" is Wrong

It denies the self-evident truth of nature that male and female bodies are designed for and complement each other. Opposite-sex marriage is the natural means by which the human race reproduces.

(Is a male body designed for a mule body?)

Granting a marriage license to homosexuals because they engage in sex is as illogical as granting a medical license to a barber because he wears a white coat or a law license to a salesman because he carries a briefcase. Real doctors, lawyers and the public would suffer as a result of licensing the unqualified and granting them rights, benefits and responsibilities as if they were qualified.
(This woman is an attorney.)

And I just read one of the stupidest fucking stories ever. I'm not linking to these assholes*, but if you want to learn why feminists are so angry, just click on the FemFacts link in the Beverly LaHaye Institute section. The story is called "The Feminist and the Farmer." That actually sounds like porn, which I guess it is. The whole site is obscene.

*I try to use gender-neutral language whenever I can. But I don't wish to offend these women, so perhaps I should use the more traditional "bitches."

More >>

Are you being watched?

The FBI probably has its eye on me, at least according to this quiz from the ACLU.

The ACLU has evidence that the FBI and local police, working together through so-called Joint Terrorism Task Forces, are gathering information and collecting files on environmental, anti-war, political, and faith-based groups and centers of worship.

Faith-based groups? But Bush loves faith-based groups. He has said this, many times."Our government will continue to support faith-based and community groups that bring hope to harsh places." So, who on earth could the FBI be watching? The American Friends Service Committee, for one. They're spying on Quakers, who only are trying to bring a little hope to harsh places.

Yesterday, I woke up with a splitting headache. I thought at first it might be due to allergies, but now I realize I've been shaking my head in my sleep.

More >>

Kyoto

Hey, look at this. AE of Arse Poetica has posted a map of the 132 cities who've signed on to the Kyoto Protocol. While you're checking the map for your city, be sure to check out the rest of her blog, too!

More >>

A bumper crop of wisdom

Just a couple of bumper stickers I've seen recently.

Got Jesus? It's hell without him.
Piggybacking on the popularity of those clever milk commercials, this little slogan is both crass and ominous. The woman driving the Jesus-mobile was in front of me at the gas station, and she looked really unhappy, like someone who thinks about hell all the time.

If you aren't outraged, you're not paying attention.
Good one! Couldn't agree more. But this bumper sticker was slapped on the back of a Ford Explorer, so I have to wonder if the driver and I are outraged about the same things. I'm always indignant when I see one of these environment-fucking SUVs. I mean, just what are you exploring anyway, Sparky? The mall? But absolutely nothing gets me steamed more than these asshole-mobiles.

My other car is a broom
Nothing unusual, but this was right next to an "I am voting for John Kerry - Osama bin Laden" bumper sticker. That was certainly a head-scratcher. I don't know much about Wicca, but I'll go out on a limb and guess that there aren't too many reactionary, fundie, ass-clenching, mule-doing, security-mom witches out there.

I kept my "Attack Iraq? No!" bumper sticker on for the longest time, before replacing it with KE04. I probably should have kept the Iraq sticker, in case the rumor is true that Bush plans to invade Iran this summer. I could have saved myself a couple of bucks (Iraqn). I'm considering this, but I always worry that anything with a prominent W could be mistaken for pro-Bush sentiments.

Got funny bumper sticker sightings? Bring them on!

More >>

Moral outrage

Update -- From the Department of Personal Responsibility

Conservative media personalities go out of their way to praise Isikoff, lay blame on Newsweek editors

Listen to this:

BOZELL: One would be hard-pressed to lay the blame directly at the feet of Michael Isikoff. Michael Isikoff is also the reporter who broke the Bill Clinton-Monica Lewinsky story for Newsweekmagazine.


HANNITY: Yeah. I wouldn't mind putting Isikoff on and getting his take on this, and I don't want to rush on the Isikoff-bashing bandwagon here because if I had to bet dollars for donuts, he probably told them, "I have a story, I have a source, I'm not ready to go with it yet, but I'm writing it out and we gotta investigate it." And they probably just said, "Hey, great! Let's run with it!" [ABC Radio Networks' The Sean Hannity Show, 5/16/05]

Yes, the reporter who "broke" the Clinton story can do no wrong, but his "liberal", MSM employer can? I'm sure they just ripped the story out of his hands. Unfucking real. These people are shameless.

---

So, it looks like Newsweek may have fucked up, and now they're retracting their story.

Of course the Bush administration is up in arms about this story. People have died because of faulty information. Can't have that.

"People lost their lives. People are dead," Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said on Capitol Hill. "People need to be very careful about what they say, just as they need to be careful about what they do."

"It's appalling that this story got out there," Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said as she traveled home from Iraq.

"The report had real consequences," McClellan said. "People have lost their lives. Our image abroad has been damaged. There are some who are opposed to the United States and what we stand for who have sought to exploit this allegation."

How moral. Such concern for the civil liberties of Muslim prisoners, such cultural sensitivity. That they say this without a trace of irony is sick-making. Tell me, Scott, Condi and Donald, why was this story so immediately credible in Afghanistan - and here, for that matter? Maybe no one did flush the Koran down a toilet, but is it really so implausible, given the torture at Gitmo and Abu Ghraib and the rendition and all of the lies that got us into this stinking mess? How about Bush's initial reaction to 9/11, when he said that we would begin a crusade against terror? And what should we make of Franklin Graham, son of crusader Billy, who said after 9/11, ""The true God is the God of the Bible, not the Koran."

We can look forward, as well, to more Freeper hysteria about the mainstream media and how they must be stopped. Like this: "This is beyond treason. This is incitement to murder and war. Both of these two libtards should pay the ultimate price. The blood of dozens is now on their hands; the blood of thousands will be before this is over." And this little racist gem: "These Muslim dimbulbs have been just waiting for this kind of excuse to stir up trouble. They aren't going to accept that their premise is false.

Personally, I'm sick to death of everything Muslim from their stupid names, to their stupid bedroom habits, to their nasty violent streak, to their willfull ignorance, and to every other thing about them you can name.

The entire planet would benefit by their absence." (actual Freeper quotes)

Yes, everything's been going swimmingly, and the Iraqis send us mindflowers every day.

More >>

Caustic acrostics

Ever get one of those annoying, repent-or-else e-mails? Perhaps a stupid comment from a fundie troll? Maybe from a self-righteous scold who thinks that 9/11 happened because of sex ed in schools, or people saying the fuck word? Or whatever. I could list a bunch of sins, but why bother? It's all fire and brimstone, Rapture bullshit anyway. Yawn.

But...maybe you've received one too many of these gems. Sometimes you just have to say "Enough!" In that case, here are a couple of respsonses.

Oh, I see you're
Sending
Another
Tedious
Annoying
Note.
 
It's (a)
Sanctimonious
Asinine
Tirade
Against
Normalcy.

Just in case any literalists happen to stumble upon the Crab, here are some of my true feelings about religion. See? I don't worship the devil. Hell, I don't even believe in a literal devil. There is more religious stuff here and here.

More >>

Just say no to Frankenfoods

This is fun.

More >>

Contradictions

So, I'm reading this New Yorker article and trying to parse Douglas Feith's statements. I may have to read this a few times to make sense of it.

“The main rationale was not based on intelligence,” Feith said. “It was known to anyone who read newspapers and knew history. Saddam had used nerve gas, he had invaded his neighbors more than once, he had attacked other neighbors, he was hostile to us, he supported numerous terrorist groups. It’s true that he didn’t have a link that we know of to 9/11. . . . But he did give safe haven to terrorists.”

Huh? Not based on intelligence? Then what did Colin Powell present to the UN Security Council? What about this statement from Bush's 2003 SOTU (emphasis mine): "Our intelligence sources tell us that he has attempted to purchase high-strength aluminum tubes suitable for nuclear weapons production." Perhaps intelligence sources are different from intelligence? And the nerve gas - when was that? The 80s? Is this what the administration means by reacting quickly to an imminent danger?

Feith went on, “Given the ease, as everybody knows, with which one can reconstitute stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons if you have the capabilities which he had, I don’t think the rationale for the war hinged on the existence of stockpiles.” The postmortem reports of C.I.A. weapons inspectors confirm the view that Saddam remained interested in one day reconstituting his weapons-of-mass-destruction programs, Feith said, and went on, “There’s a certain revisionism in people looking back and identifying the main intelligence error”—the assumption of stockpiles—“and then saying that our entire policy was built on that error.” The case against Iraq, he argues today, was only partly about W.M.D.s.

Right. Saddam didn't have the stockpiles, but he was thinking about stockpiles. We know this. This is similar to Bush looking deeply into Vladimir's eyes and seeing his soul. Some things you just know. The rationale for war, I suppose, hinged on the possibility of the reconstitution of the non-existent WMDs, which may have been a glimmer in Saddam's eye, which Bush must have seen. In a picture. Some things you just know.

Feith said, “The common refrain that the postwar has been a disaster is only true if you had completely unrealistic expectations.”

When I asked, for instance, if the Administration was too enamored of the idea that Iraqis would greet American troops with flowers, he argued that some Iraqis were still too intimidated by the remnants of Saddam’s Baath Party to express their emotions openly.

“But,” Feith said, “they had flowers in their minds.”

Again, the intuition that comes from a profund understanding of the human condition. Or not. WTF? Flowers in their minds? Are these people's minds filled with flowers?

Update: I've been thinking about the mindflower thing, and I've decided it's meme-worthy. Plus, this means I get to abdicate all personal responsibility, just like a good liberal, and assume that everyone is tossing mindroses at my feet, no matter how awful I am. Pretty, pretty flowers.

Want to see if we can spread it like a bad rash? Here are a couple of ideas:

"Thank you for the mindflower bouquet. It's lovely."
"I didn't forget your birthday. I sent you mindflowers."
"That's not a grenade. It's a mindflower."

More >>

Talk to me, Frances. Don't be stubborn.

I'm confused. I thought these fundies were such moral, upstanding citizens. So what's this about? Goodness, I'm glad J is all grown up. Things were much simpler when she was little, back in the days when she thought I was feeding her drugs for breakfast. I cleared that up easily enough, but I feel for parents of small kids today. How does a nice mommy explain that a nice, Christian man who only wants to promote family values is really into animals?

More info about the mulefucker here.

More >>

Geek stuff

I'm listed on dmoz! Yep, I'm right below a conservative blogger with a similar name. He appears to be a favorite of the Freepers, so I may get some fat-fingered trolls. Shudder.

But the cool thing is that I got listed, which is not easy. I submitted one of my company's web sites to dmoz a few times, waited patiently, sent very polite follow-up e-mails and nothing. This is common - people can wait months, or longer, to get listed, if ever.

So, what's the big deal about dmoz, anyway? In addition to being the "largest human-edited directory of the web," dmoz feeds Google and other search engines, which could mean more visitors to the Crab. More visitors means more people get to hear me mouth off and I get to meet other liberal bloggers, which results in synchronicity and serendipity - two of my favorite things.

I'm not sure how I got listed so quickly, but thank you, very cool editor claireja. Along with editing the personal web pages category, claireja is also responsible for the cooking blogs and food bank sections. She's an animal lover, too. And check out her bookmarks, especially this one.

The "Add URL" link is no longer on this page, but you can submit your blog to this category. Do it! Now! I want to see a thousand points of tinfoil hats.

More >>

Putting words in God's mouth

Sometimes I open my mouth and the stupidest stuff just falls out. I wish I could say I don't know where this blather comes from, but I do know. It's the stuff that I think all the time, stuff that I believe, stuff that's become such a part of me that I no longer question it. What's worse, I've become so comfortable with this stuff that I assume everyone else is thinking it, too, and they're just waiting for me to open my mouth so they can agree with me.

Take last week, for example. I went to a save the filibuster rally with my friend LK, and one of the speakers asked the crowd to break into small groups and share our reasons for protesting. The idea was to select one member from our group who would address the crowd. I knew it wouldn't be me because I suck at public speaking - except in my head. In my head, I kick ass. But put a microphone in my face and I freeze and mumble platitudes. Anyway, LK and I were talking with these two men, and I said some trite things that palely imitated my true feelings. Then we started talking about the right's hijacking of religion. I can talk about that subject for days because I've been butting heads with religious conservatives since I was a kid, before I even gave much thought to politics. So when one of the men wondered what Jesus would say to all the hypocrites invoking his name, I had a ready answer. I said, "Jesus would tell those assholes, 'You're a bunch of assholes.'" There was just the slighest moment of silence, and then the man said, "Well, maybe we shouldn't put words in Jesus' mouth. There's enough of that going on these days." Oops. He was right. Much as I'd like to think of Jesus going all Pharisees in the temple on their Freeper asses, I don’t actually know what he’d do, or what he thinks.

So, you can understand how I’d be a little curious about Fred Phelps’ insight into the inner workings of God’s mind. Does God really hate fags, Rev? Do you honestly believe that? What about you, Fred? I suppose God’s just ape-shit in love with you. I’m going to behave now and not say that he thinks you’re a total prick, but I’m still free to say it. You know, because I’m a heathen. Or an agnostic. Hell, Fred, I’m not actually sure which label applies, which is fine with me. I find it liberating, you prick.

I know God doesn't hate gay people. I'm quite sure s/he doesn't say fags. I'm sure, too, that God cried when Matthew Shepard was murdered. And Gwen Arajo. Anyone with a soul and a heart would cry over that. But I guess the subatomic heart of Reverend Phelps only hurts for...I don't know what.

If I lived in Durham, North Carolina, I'd drop by Duke this weekend and say "Hey" to Fred. The very cool blogger of Arse Poetica will be there and she has details here.

More >>

Test

Here bloggy, bloggy. Here bloggy, bloggy. Oh where, oh where has my little blog gone? Come back, little blogga. Wah!

More >>

I'm red (so I've read)

I saw this fun quiz on Pharyngula's blog, which I found via the Daou report.

I am: -3% Republican.

"You're a damn Commie!  Where's Tailgunner Joe when we need him?"

Are You A Republican?

More >>