Perhaps I’m just cranky, but I hate getting inspirational e-mails. Does anybody truly learn anything from these saccharine, guilt-provoking “lessons?” Not me. Plus, the authors of these gems are usually shitty writers who never learned to show and not tell. If you dislike the sledgehammer approach, you can be thoroughly annoyed, as I often am, or you can make lemons out of that cloying lemonade and rewrite.
Here is a story I received a few months ago.
It’s long, but well worth the time it takes to read it. Just kidding – it’s really stupid.
Original e-mail
You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about.
Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house.
The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.
As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.
Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts. Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.
He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up? Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She causally mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.
A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this?
"Look at it." He said. "Read what it says." She read the words "United States of America."
"No, not that; read further."
"One cent?"
"No, keep reading."
"In God we Trust?"
"Yes!"
"And?"
"And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!
When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, "In God We Trust," and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message. It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient...
Have a blessed day!!
Here’s my version
So, last weekend I visited my very wealthy employer's house so that I could suck up and see how the other half live, and you will never guess what happened. My boss, Mr. Johnson, picked up a penny - right off the ground. At first, I thought it was filthy and crawling with germs. Do you know that people STEP on pennies? Yes, they do. Anyway, Mr. Johnson set me straight. Apparently, pennies are clean and pure and filled with God's holy light and love. Plus, there are magic words on them! Did you know that? Yep. Every penny says "In God We Trust." Gives you something to think about.
And I know I'm asking you to do a lot of thinking, but here's something else to consider. Most people believe God engraves each penny himself, but I'll let you in on a little secret. You've probably heard of Thomas Kinkade, master artist and Painter of Light? Of course you have. Well, he's so busy these days that he doesn't actually paint every one of those pictures you see hanging in those fancy galleries. No, he has teams of cute little elves who paint by numbers, I mean by hand. Then Mr. Kinkade pricks his finger and smears a teensy bit of blood onto each and every painting. It's not like "the blood of Christ." That would be sacrilegious. No, Mr. Kinkade is just leaving his DNA on the paintings so that unholy copycats can't rip him off and take away his hard-earned money. Anyway, God liked that idea so much that he does the same thing with pennies. His angels work day and night carving God's message into pennies, then pile them at God's feet, and he blesses them and bleeds on them.
The message is there for you to see if you'll just stoop down to the ground and pick those pennies up. That's the problem with people today. They walk around all high-and-mighty with their noses in the air and they don't stop to see the pennies. Except Mr. Johnson. He's really rich, but he's not too good to bend over and scoop up the pennies. I even caught him going through my purse the other day - that's how much he believes in the holy message of pennies.
Back to the trust thing. Now that I know pennies can talk, a whole new world has opened up to me. If pennies can talk, well darned near anything can happen. ANYTHING! Trust me.
The Snopes site defines these inspirational e-mails as glurge, a word that is not yet in the dictionary, but should be. They also have a delightful gallery.
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